I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
