Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
