please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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