forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
