If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
