You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
