Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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