I'm eating all of the evidence.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
