Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
