hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
