I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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