I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
