Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
