operation harelip BJ is a go
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
