Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.