I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
