Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.

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(214): did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date. http://tfl.nu/9ydt

Replies (1) Good night (884) Bad night (959)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.

(612): View more from Minnesota

I wish i was spraying into your jaw.

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(952): Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw. (612): I wish i was spraying into your jaw. http://tfl.nu/v3tm

Replies (12) Good night (3148) Bad night (1021)
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(209): View more from California

Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.

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(209): Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball. http://tfl.nu/0g16

Replies (13) Good night (1335) Bad night (1861)
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(210): View more from Texas

life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.

(210): View more from Texas

i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.

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(210): life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass" (570): hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge. (210): i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you. http://tfl.nu/8941

Replies (23) Good night (5834) Bad night (1945)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...

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(717): She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands... http://tfl.nu/ij5g

Replies (42) Good night (939) Bad night (6686)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.

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(504): She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet. http://tfl.nu/znp0

Replies (48) Good night (10516) Bad night (1191)
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(410): View more from Maryland

this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.

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(410): this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it. http://tfl.nu/bnad

Replies (25) Good night (4415) Bad night (848)
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(616): View more from Michigan

he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".

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(616): he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail". http://tfl.nu/2qss

Replies (27) Good night (5538) Bad night (1146)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom

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(612): Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom http://tfl.nu/d012

Replies (5) Good night (1653) Bad night (768)
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(302): View more from Delaware

I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids

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(302): I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids http://tfl.nu/6v45

Replies (15) Good night (1882) Bad night (1146)
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(616): View more from Michigan

I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.

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(616): I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady. http://tfl.nu/ufs6

Replies (3) Good night (2022) Bad night (714)
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(602): View more from Arizona

Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake

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(602): Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake http://tfl.nu/7ejr

Replies (6) Good night (2362) Bad night (431)
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(817): View more from Texas

Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.

(817): View more from Texas

I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.

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(817): Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult. (817): I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this. http://tfl.nu/zqxi

Replies (5) Good night (564) Bad night (363)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine

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(615): Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine http://tfl.nu/rjex

Replies (2) Good night (319) Bad night (574)
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(585): View more from New York

I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.

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(585): I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille. http://tfl.nu/u3hg

Replies (2) Good night (506) Bad night (284)

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