God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.