my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
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I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.