remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(