'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?