Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
At least life still wants to fuck me.