Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity

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  (586): Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity http://tfl.nu/negt
  Replies (1) Good night (1531) Bad night (669)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  None he's f-d

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  (313): Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have (1-313): None he's f-d http://tfl.nu/3q7m
  Replies (14) Good night (999) Bad night (2051)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.

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  (970): Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public. http://tfl.nu/mhvb
  Replies (16) Good night (761) Bad night (1113)
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  (818): View more from California

  my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you

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  (818): my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you http://tfl.nu/x2i9
  Replies (30) Good night (6065) Bad night (1080)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.

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  (305): I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/m7xq
  Replies (16) Good night (12004) Bad night (1126)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning

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  (519): we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning http://tfl.nu/bwa3
  Replies (9) Good night (4246) Bad night (1031)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.

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  (603): I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin. http://tfl.nu/suqz
  Replies (2) Good night (1718) Bad night (680)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.

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  (303): I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already. http://tfl.nu/emym
  Replies (6) Good night (1154) Bad night (543)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?

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  (804): I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT? http://tfl.nu/e21q
  Replies (9) Good night (1993) Bad night (931)
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  (916): View more from California

  Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...

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  (916): Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers... http://tfl.nu/ayxd
  Replies (5) Good night (1768) Bad night (762)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.

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  (816): I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me. http://tfl.nu/6mnq
  Replies (7) Good night (577) Bad night (1049)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I could run a drunk marathon in heels

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  (425): I could run a drunk marathon in heels http://tfl.nu/oxgs
  Replies (3) Good night (597) Bad night (331)
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  (916): View more from California

  On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome

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  (916): On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome http://tfl.nu/qd8h
  Replies (5) Good night (930) Bad night (405)
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  (323): View more from California

  He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.

  (323): View more from California

  Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.

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  (323): He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour. (323): Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks. http://tfl.nu/2ar3
  Replies (5) Good night (917) Bad night (341)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism

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  (330): can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism http://tfl.nu/db2b
  Replies (3) Good night (734) Bad night (362)

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