Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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