Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
