where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
