I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
