he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here