Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"