My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.