i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.