im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
