and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
