please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
