It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
