So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
