I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
