i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize