The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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