the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Swine flu is the new snow day.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
