The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
