the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
