Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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