I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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