I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
