It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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