So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
They have beer where we have blood.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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