How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
