Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
