Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
the raccoons are back...
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