And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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