I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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