i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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