I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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