I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
