I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
