you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
