It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
