My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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