Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
