We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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