I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You don't make any sense
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