So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
