oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
