I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
