The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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