my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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