His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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