You smell like a Billy Joel song
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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