I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I will pee on everything he values.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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