Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
