i don't plan on having that self control this summer
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
