It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
