you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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